Alex and Erika Barbosa were one of those inseparable couples for 27 years, since they were thirteen years old. They had experienced a wide range of mystical experiences, including a divine initiation called Hieros gamos, a merging of souls. Alex transitioned recently, and apparently this divine union love story is far from over.
On the night of August 1st, 2020, my husband Alex and I were making love when he asked that I do something unusual. He asked me to look into his eyes, and to not turn away during orgasm. It was the most intense and erotic moment of my life. It was so powerful that I remember having to get up, close the bathroom door, and stare at myself in the mirror.
What I saw blew my mind. They were not my eyes looking back at me; they were Alex’s eyes. My eyes are green and light, but at that moment they were dark and brown. I was seeing Alex through me. We were one. It took me a few moments to recover. And once I did, I shared my experience with Alex. He told me that he too felt a oneness experience with me.
For about two weeks I experienced dizziness and lightheadedness. I recently learned that this is what happens when souls merge. The experience is very intense, magical and eternal. Alex is the love of my life, and the other half of my soul. I was thirteen years old the first time I saw his beautiful big brown eyes, and my soul instantly recognized him. I knew that he was made just for me. Twenty-seven years and four kids later, we still could not keep our eyes or hands off each other. We were always together, sharing our every thought; our hopes and dreams for the future. We were very much in sync, and even our bodies fit with one another like a hand to a glove.
In the summer of 2015, our marriage and our love for each other was truly tested. Alex was diagnosed with depression that he claimed was from a toxic environment at his job where he had worked for over twenty years. Alex was not himself during this period. He was angry and extremely emotional, even contemplating suicide. This, of course, affected me greatly and I too became depressed. I began taking painkillers to cope. And to be honest, I really didn’t care to wake up or not, because at that point in time I was miserable.
One of those nights I accidentally overdosed and died on my sofa.
I remember Alex coming home, and trying to wake me up, but my soul had already left my body. I saw Alex and felt the pain that he felt for losing me. It made me so sad to know that he would have to raise our kids alone.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up as if it had all been a dream. But I knew better. From this point, I began having mystical experiences that I didn’t understand, and that honestly made me feel a little insane.
What I later learned were synchronicities were happening to me all the time: the radio and television seemed to be answering my questions; my kids would ask me random questions about science, or biology, and I would just know the answer, even though I had no background in any of those things. I began to feel energy on the tip of my finger whenever I would touch a plant or a flower. There was a period where I went four nights without sleeping because I was getting all this information about me, my world, and the nature of reality – I later learned about other people getting similar types of “downloads.”
On one occasion I felt that I was ready to see my true spiritual form, so I asked my higher self to show me, and that same night, I got my wish…
My journey began as I was flying over the ocean in my “dreams.” I always fly over the ocean whenever I become lucid, but this time was different. I flew so high up, and at such high speed, that I found myself in the darkness of space. Above all this darkness and nothingness was a big ball of light. As I flew towards the light, I began to shed identities. I actually felt them coming off. I stripped down to my core and what was left of me was a tiny spark of energy. Not Erika, not human, or female, just pure awareness. I was aware that I had no attachments or preferences. I had never felt so at peace and whole as I did at that moment. Not only was I a spark of energy, but everything and everyone in the universe was also there with me as a spark.
I saw the illusion, and experienced being one with ALL. I shared this with Alex, and together we came up with these knowings: 1. All there is, is love: everything else is illusion. 2. We all play many parts and have no preferences. 3. We are immortal. 4. We are ONE.
Throughout my mystical experiences, Alex never called me crazy. In fact, he too began his own awakening brought on by these synchronicities and perhaps through our connection. He developed the ability to see and move energy. Somehow, we learned about Egyptian practices where energy is moved during orgasm, and the next thing I knew, Alex was re-directing his energy.
Alex transcended on August 16. It was very unexpected and sudden. We still have no answers as to what illness he had, despite testing negative for COVID-19, as we all did. The love of my life was gone, and I was ready to go with him. As I looked around the room for a piece of paper and pen to write my goodbyes to my kids, I heard Alex say to me “If you go, we both go. You will take us both from them.”
At that point, Alex began to send me messages from beyond. I received confirmations of these communications from dreams, radio and TV. He wants me to know that he is still with me, living through me, which I completely feel. Alex also has let me know that we do get to come back and we will be reunited soon. I once jokingly told Alex, that I dreamt of my “real” soulmate and that he was tall, light and colored eyes. His response? “That was me – I just looked different.”
I know this to be possible and very likely that Alex will come back to me in the physical and we will continue with our plans and projects in this lifetime. He may look different, but one look into his eyes, and I will know that it’s him.
Meanwhile, I will continue strengthening my relationship with my kids. I will focus on my future and bring Alex along for the ride.